i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
