i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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