Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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