mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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