Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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