We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize