I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
