I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
