Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
