i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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