I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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