We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
