She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
