Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
