so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
