Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize