Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
