Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
