Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
