well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
