I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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