He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize