remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
