..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
