One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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