he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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