I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
