No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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