If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
40s are totally the cure
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize