I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
