She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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