Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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