and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
