if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
