JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I forget how to act sober
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