i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
