Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
