Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
