I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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