I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
