You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
