As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
