do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
