I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
