half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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