I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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