My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
