Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
accomplished twins. life is a go
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize