Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
