8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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