New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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