Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
