She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
