i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
