I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
