i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
