its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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