Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
