Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
