i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
