I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
