He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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