Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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