Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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