I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Congratulations! We have a period
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize