I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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