Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
