bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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