I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
