1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
