Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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