Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
