Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You made out with two different species that night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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