By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize