mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
