What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
