Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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