He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
