Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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