she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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