I got chris browned last night
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
