I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
