hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
