i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
