Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
