im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
