He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize