FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
