I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize