you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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