4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
