And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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