I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
