yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
