gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Operation Purity has been aborted
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
