are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
