i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
