I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
