96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
