dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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