Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
