i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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