so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
