you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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