I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
