woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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