I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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